I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
