my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My life is pants optional.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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