this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
wow bdsm is so cute
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize