i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
