His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
