apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
