I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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