I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
