you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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