every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
