Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
