woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it's great music for shaving your balls
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
