You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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