He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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