he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
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Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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