Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
