so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
