So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
