Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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