i would punch a child for taco bell
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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