so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
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Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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