What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
we should paint friendship bongs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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