I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
