matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
home. puking in laundry basket.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
