my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She told me I should be a condom model.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
