Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
