Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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