can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
