Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We need a shit load of segways right now
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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