I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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