wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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