we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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