Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
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I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.