You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Still dying that you shit outside
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?