a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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