They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
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Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE