You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
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It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
did you just send me my own nude