I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
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hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.