im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
