burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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