i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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