actually, I'm a sock model
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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