dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The uberlube is also flammable
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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