I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
