When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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