It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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