Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
