Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize