His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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