and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
