In the future we'll all be gay
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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