Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
