he puts the penis in happiness.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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