i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize