I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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