I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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