hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
