I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
