Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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