you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
