he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
