its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
