naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
